CHAPTER 2: REGULAR INTERACTION WITH CHILDREN AND THE DEGREE OF PHYSICAL CONTACT
During class, the teacher meets diverse situations. Especially the pedophile teacher should be constantly aware of his behaviour and speech, to act naturally, casually, calmly, and not to hurting children in any way or not to have any deleterious effect on them because of his orientation. But overly scrupulous observation of every thought and movement can seem stubborn and very noticeably.
Whether teaching anyone, it is good to communicate and interact with RESPECT AND DIGNITY against the person of the child. But even if it were cuter and prettier than anybody else for the sight of a pedophile, we must not let ourselves to be influenced, and we must act towards her like to anyone else.
If you want your orientation remained secret, CONTROL WHAT TO WHOM YOU SAY. It would be foolish to lose your secret like this: "Dear colleague (woman), please go there to check the girls how to redress themselves to gymnastics. I would be excited." Or "Joe, if I were a girl, I'd like to be with you and kiss you much. You have such nice lips." If you are new and have not yet built a strong position and long-standing reputation, avoid these common salutation: Darlings, honey, love etc. Sometimes this is said, more often by women. If someone knows you little, it is better to forgive those words. Some words I would almost completely remove from the vocabulary - especially when communicating with adults: pedophile, a freak, an aberration, abuse, groping, sex, erection... Also avoid such striking phrases: I'm completely normal. Somehow I am not taken into. Those are my loves. I am fond of him. This is my baby. I would took her as a wife. (These are citations of a colleague (man) – still working with children).
Much depends on WHERE AND WHO YOU TEACH. There is a great difference between working in a kindergarten with children from three years old, six year old, at the primary school in the first stage (1-5th classes) or second stage (6-9th classes). Teaching a foreign language, sexual education or gymnastics are very different. If you teach swimming, gymnastics or dancing, your contact with children will probably be closer and more naturally perceived than if you are constantly touching them at chess hobby group or math lesson. There is an inverse relationship: The older the child, the less touches needed.
If you would like to write all in a single paragraph, the GOLDEN RULES are: Touch your pupils as a normal man probably would, do not seek physical contact nor avoid it with fear, fully respect the child's right to physical integrity and adequately respond only to the activity of the child.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE CONSPICUOUS than when the teacher at every opportunity paw and grope his pupils. Equally striking is a panic fear from any touch - somewhat evoked by the contemporary media and the "hunt after pedophiles". People may also think that you are afraid of erection.
In the classroom at the elementary school you will probably not get so frequently into physical contact with a child. Probably only when you briefly touch her upon providing a forgotten pen, passing a chalk, or when giving her a report at the end of the year. In greater contact may be teachers of family education - more often women, and of natural history - there sometimes when circulating various natural objects, stuffed animals and the like. The gym (PE) teachers are in a slightly different position. They are either scared by the contemporary hysteria and operate without any contact, or they behave so as to teach as much as possible and the best and are not afraid to touch someone sometimes. Additionally, during demanding exercises on equipment they are required to provide a support. In certain exceptional situations, they perhaps even have to touch the buttocks. Genitals never, even by mistake, even during the wildest exercise. So far I have not seen any recommendations or rules for physical touching by the gym teachers. On one hand it is good that the paranoia is not being spread. On the other hand, they are not supported by some expert advice and they do not have a feeling of certainty what they real may do. But if they did not solve what all was permitted, they probably would not have to worry. The decisive factor is always the intention. And if they have resolved and clean intention, they do not have to worry about.
Few teachers would voluntarily teach SEXUAL LIFE EDUCATION. If you feel that you would have amounted to serious problems resolutely reject it without further comment, return it to the school management. If you are attracted by that, the more be cautious. Do not speak too much and too freely. Talk to kids about sex may be of interest to you, appealing and exciting. Try to offer the target information as offered by anyone classically oriented. I'm dead serious warning you to avoid sharing any personal experience or practical examples. Avoid asking children about anything intimate and omit practical examples of sexual organs on pupils. During sex education classes also avoid testing girls how they are good in French kissing. Some suggested curricula for sex education are on edge of all decency. Their consistent execution could perhaps mean some non-contact abuse, or at least child molestation. Wanting them to share with the whole class whether and how they masturbate, whether they have menstruation etc. is cynic (this was cited by Christians who disputed with the curricula).
If you need something to show in a pair (this is no longer the paragraph on sex education), such as exercise, way of grasping, dancing figure, always request a CLEAR ACCEPTANCE of the pupil with whom you are displaying. You need not to deal with it more. In this case it is a formality. By doing so, however, you show everyone that you respect their feelings and the right to touch only with the person with whom they want. Great example for all.
If you are a novice and if you are lucky enough (or curse) and moreover pretty teacher, you can expect from some (wilder) girls – of almost any age, but rather from 4 years – all sorts of expression of interest, efforts of affection, sometimes very obvious COQUETRY AND PROVOCATION. It's up to you how to face it. You can join in and risk that they you will soon say goodbye - not only to lolitas. Or you build limits – in the view of the whole class – and strengthen your position as an untouchable teacher. But please do this sensitively not to hurt more than necessary.
It may also happen that you notice a schoolgirl (probably rather older) with a seductive gaze is without underwear under her skirt. Keep your balance; you should always know what is the correct and appropriate response. I will not write what I would have done myself, but obviously it would be appropriate to look elsewhere until the end of the class. During the break (in the presence of other pupils, that must not hear it) notice the inappropriateness of her behaviour and requirement to complete her wardrobe. Say that you not consider it now necessary to deal with parents. Yes, a similar situation can become. More in chapter 3.
On the other hand, an exaggerated response to attempts to affection or exaggerated puritanism (to become crazy, if a five-year girl sits with knees apart) is transparently obvious. You may point out that it would be appropriate to behave somewhat differently, but do not get crazy because of each lifted skirt or slightly stuck out tongue. A normal gynecophile would probably not even notice such details, you know? And the fact that you are exceedingly aware of such things you show which direction is focused your attention and what is your sexual orientation. Additionally, you perceive a variety of situations distorted (pedophilic) and the intention you perceived might not be present.
For teachers, it is always better not to be WITH THE CHILD ALONE. Inviting someone to interview, for example, to your office is somewhat risky. Not only for the less manageable teachers, in terms of temptation, but also because the ongoing interaction behind closed doors cannot be checked by anyone. Whoever can try to ruin you on that basis although you are straight. In my opinion – it is not worth it. Of course. Rather try to trust people (as they trust us) and believe in the good in them. On the other hand, let's expect also deviant people. Sometimes just "thief" does not believe "thieves". And he does not even know that he is (only) a potential "thief". Still more will be discussed in chapter 3.
If we were to compare life in nursery and primary schools, we would probably soon be seeing that nurseries are still living somewhat in contact with man's nature, more humanely, to a greater connection to nature and annual rhythms. The emphasis is more on the quality of the experience and not so much on performance and competition, rather on interpersonal, friendly relations and their development. Children are not forced to many hours of passive sitting and listening or looking at actor – the educator. In many elementary schools, the situation is changing for the better, but the difference in the concept of pre-primary and primary education is still significant.
Experts on PRESCHOOL EDUCATION are crying over the lack of men in preschool education for many years. The economic aspect and social stereotypes are another obstacle. Yet those most capable men, including pedophiles with wholly self-mastery and refined character, could help enormously with enriching the education in kindergartens. In some countries in Europe, men in this profession are more represented. It is up to the individual how much he believes himself and what he will do for that. If you would like to act as a full-time teacher in a public kindergarten, you must also have an appropriate education. The work is unimaginably mentally challenging but extremely fulfilling and the feedback from grateful children is greater than from the primary school children.
The interaction between the preschool child and teacher is very rich and intense. Everyone should remember that. Before entering kindergarten, I would recommend to discuss everything essential with the director - in particular, the definition of competence among employees with regard to the effect of teacher - men. The teacher should not unduly draw attention to (his) problem, nevertheless, he should clearly define rules of cooperation.
New-coming kids - sometimes as young as three years, should be independent in BASIC HYGIENE HABITS. Still, it is good to agree on a possible solution of delicate situations: wet child, need to give her a shower, changing underwear etc. From the official point of view there is nothing illicit or improper and, yet, I recommend to pass these intimate events to the present colleague - a woman, or staff - cleaning lady. There is usually no need to enter the toilet, it can be done by colleague - woman, but if necessary, again it is not a problem if done by the teacher - man. Certainly there will be no way to look around searchingly, he rather discreetly passes and flushes or execute what is to be settled.
During the day, teacher – man works like a teacher - woman. Moreover, he can perform better all male activities and be a valuable standard for all children who form their own sexual identity. Many children now grow up without a dad. It is not good if he appears – also by his voice – like gay. We can speak softly and gently to children, yet manly and naturally. During the midday break - sleep after lunch, there may be situations that you will feel really precarious. Some children occasionally performs various games under the blankets, with mattress or with plush toy. He should not respond or react like any colleague - woman. Ask for peace (may the child rest) and silence. Definitely not a way to ask: "Do you want some help?" Even if the question (which can be explained innocently) would mostly act itself and he usually would get a negative response, much could be ruined (also in his own eyes).
Everything you do and everything you say can a child about 4 years old correctly REPEAT AT HOME (and often will). Most things can be explained and clarified, but some not so easy. Certainly, never ask a child not to say something at home (a secret, I do not men a good secret – e.g. a surprise being prepared to parents). If anyone would know something that the child should not say (secret - a bad secret), you are in a very bad position, and then it's not about what happened. In addition, if there was any inappropriate contact, you will probably not get over it.
When dressing for a walk we lead children to independence. If younger children need help, we act professionally and avoid contact with intimate body parts - those where wearing a swimsuit. In some extreme situations, the teacher is even obliged to examine the intimate parts, but more about that in Chapter 3.
At present, there is a major TREND OF TAKING PICTURES everywhere and with everyone. In school and kindergarten there should be a signed consent from the parents of the children that they agree with the acquisition of photos and videos with their child. In my opinion, you can record any of your activity with children – this is recommended self-evaluation by the teacher when you can learn from your mistakes. Definitely not twist the lens towards the toilets and do not record anything during the midday break. Could it be material testifying against you. Also it is not good to pose for every photo with children - on your lap or in the arms (I know such a colleague).
To TREATING ON LAP - we will have an entire topic “Location of kids sitting on a lap” in our forum. For teachers - and even pre-school - a completely different and more stringent (unwritten but guarded) rules apply than for ordinary men and also other than for teachers - women. People still distinguish whether a man or woman behaves sweetly to unrelated child. Little child - three years old - sometimes suffers immensely when adapting to kindergarten, and cries after the separation from her mother. If she demands and you feel that your psychological support would help her, feel free to embrace her or take her on your lap. I need not to warn that with (especially her) knees together. It often helps rather simply let it blow her nose properly (with your help) and her mind will become clear with the change of the breath. If you artificially maintained a weeping lover, it would negatively influence the overall atmosphere of the class in the future. Understand that even though something were very comfortable for you, you are not there to be fondled, but to serve. Also while taking care of one affected child you cannot exclude the care for the rest of the class. Professional teacher knows constantly about everything and about all children and nothing escapes his attention.
OTHER EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE - for all school levels. If a child comes at you saying that she loves you (obviously she means to love as a teacher), respond according to the situation. You can answer that you too. When a schoolgirl comes to say that she loves you and she looks lovingly and obviously she therefore means it differently than just as a teacher, a lot depends on her age. You can say anything nice to younger one and she will be satisfied. When you answer that you love her too, you may find that she will be comforted so much that her parents will visit you the next morning. She will perhaps say at home what you said, not that you had (only) answered. Everything can be cleared peacefully - if you hold it in a clean and true plane. With older schoolgirl you can analyse more her declaration of love and ask how she loves you. If she indicates that as a man, you can clearly answer that it has no future. Certainly do not plan anything (not even in our imagination), and do not ask like: "You're so beautiful. What can we do?" This could be the beginning of the end. Try not to hurt her mentally when refusing.
In connection with this theme I would like to draw attention to CLEANLINESS IN A PERSONAL LEVEL. No matter how much you are pedophile-oriented, keep a mental distance from your pupils and keep your relationship with pupils. Never use photos and even thought images during masturbation fantasies. Something could happen on an unconscious level and you will not remain happy.
There would be more to say but I feel that the second chapter includes all important recommendations. The third one is the most exciting.